Climbing up Box Hill I wish I was. With my teammates by my side and the eyes of a country on us. Dodging the dogs. On our way down to Hampton Court.
And every morning at first light I'd hug the kids and kiss the wife goodbye. It's not easy a sportsmen's life but it's better than being stuck here in this ward. Stuffy old people. Telling me where and when I can go.
My mum always said I was born to ride. I would sit on the handlebars of my father's bike and we would spin down to the river Thames.
Summers on the banks so fine to Brighton on the railway. The palace pier and the clock tower, the Royal Pavilion live on in my mind now. I was a man with the keys to a car and a home.
But once committed it's so hard to get out. Hare's test brought a perfect score so now I live behind locked doors and watch the riders on the tube.
Bradley Wiggins, Froome and "The Missile from The Isle Of Man." The painted cars of the caravan, the cameramen on the motor bikes on the BBC every TV on the wall of every patient's room.
But all the letters I sent returned by the Royal Mail. I guess it's hard to find the time to read with your head down and your heart in your mouth and still so many miles left to go.
Doctors coming in the room now to show me some pictures of some squares. White coats taking so many years now trying to find out why I just can't care. Currents in my brain, Ativan drip swimming through the ocean in my veins and slowly my heart beats out of time. Pumping my blood out like old wine. Beautiful lights begin to shine.
My mum always said I was born to ride and we would spin down to the river Thames.
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